you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
