My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
