For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize