i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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