We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Less talking, more tequila
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
