Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
