I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
