It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
