I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
