just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
