i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
