Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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