How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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