his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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