i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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