I could make wine with my vomit
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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