I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
