tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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