I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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