It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
