Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
