There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
