My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
