I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
