do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
