Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
