This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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