Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
