We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
