you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
