It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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