I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
