I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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