you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
pray to the hookup gods
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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