i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
