My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
