I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
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