So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
