I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
