If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Randomize
