i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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