Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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