Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
