you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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