AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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