This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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