apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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