Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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