saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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