I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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