the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
