she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
