I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
