There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
