I never want to see another naked old woman again.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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