Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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