Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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