so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think I died a long time ago.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
