I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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