I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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