im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I booty called her while she was in labor.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
