I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I will pee on everything he values.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
They took my balls.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
