i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
