When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
