also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
