can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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