Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
