I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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