you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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