im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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