ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
