He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
