we have pet lesbian snakes
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I fill condoms, not promises.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
