so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
