Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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