i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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