a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize