these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Too much gin, very little bucket
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
