I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
