Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
MIDGETS
????
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
