yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
