She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
