He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
