I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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