Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
