Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
