Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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