You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
