When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
