You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
