I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
