After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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