Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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