you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
